I may be the only writer who thanks her lucky stars she doesn’t live in New York.
Well … OK, I lied. I actually do fantasize weekly about accidentally bumping shoulders with someone like Anna Wintour (editor-in-chief at Vogue) while whimsically frolicking through the streets of Manhattan.
But what I’m talking about are the LINES. The waiting. Because I’m an incessantly impatient person who loathes nothing more than anticipating the end.
Maybe this is a bad thing.
To be honest, I started writing this post a month ago, and can’t really remember why. So to complete it—because I owe you guys a blog rant—here are the top six things I LOATHE waiting for:
- Random crap at Wal-Mart. You can never just waltz into that place and buy your usual nail clippers, fish food, or hunting rifle. Because the checkout lines will hold you hostage for an HOUR. Yes, Wal-Mart will turn you into a desperate, neurotic Rapunzel.
- Oatmeal at Starbucks. I’m not sure if this only happens to me, but I always end up behind the slow-talker who doesn’t know the difference between a grande and a latte. C’mon dude! All I want is a quick, mini oatmeal to nourish my cells while driving to work.
- Rush hour traffic. It may not be creative, but don’t pretend you didn’t know this would make it onto “the list.”
- The cable guy. Because he can only make it at some indiscriminate time, like either between 7 a.m. and 10 a.m., or 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. … on the Saturday when your niece is getting Bat Mitzvah’d. I suppose this is why Seinfeld dedicated an entire episode to said scenario.
- My cat to pee. I’m dead serious. My beloved gray tabby, Chester, will NOT do the deed unless I’m standing over him, purring soft encouragements that “you can do it, go to the bathroom!” while he stares at the untouched, fresh litter as I’m running 15 minutes late for work.
- The outcomes of presidential elections. Because the very fate of my LIFE depends on who wins! And we all know if the other guy gets the vote, our lives will dissipate into a mess of foreclosures, rotting hair and the Black Plague.
What do you hate waiting for? I know there’s something just nagging at your brain.