Writing | Shari Lopatin

Tag Archives: Writing

Gallery

What would you do, if you lost EVERYTHING?

So usually, you hear people ask, “What would you do if you won the lottery?”

Well … duh … that’s kinda easy.

But how often do you hear someone ask, “What would you do, if you lost everything?”

By this, I mean your house, your job, your car, even your marriage. I’m not a complete sadist, so I’ll spare you your loved ones and pets.

Besides having a panic attack, perhaps you’re not too sure how to answer. Well…

I can tell you what J.K. Rowling did.

According to Wikipedia (and rumors I’ve heard from others who saw her speak), Rowling considered herself a large failure seven years after graduating from college. Her marriage had failed, and she was jobless with a child. Yet, she said the following—as cited in Wikipedia from The Fringe Benefits of Failure, 2008:

“Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me [Harry Potter].”

This has been on my mind lately.

I won’t lie. In fact, I’ll be completely truthful. I’ve been a little quieter on this blog, because I’m in a career transition. I lost my job of more than five years after the company I worked for lost a major federal contract. It wasn’t just my job affected, but hundreds of others, too.

So now, using everything I have, I’ve launched my new business, “Shari’s Ink: Copywriting & Creative Services.” And I’m writing a novel that burns inside my soul.

I have a house. I have a life. And I keep asking myself, what would I do, should I lose it all?

Maybe I could become the next J.K. Rowling.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Tags: business, entrepreneur, inspiration, J.K. Rowling, life, success stories, unemployment, Writing

Comments 7 Comments
Categories Random Rants

Gallery

Death to the Spoon Gnomes!

20 May

Is it just me, or do microscopic gnomes sneak into your kitchen at night … and steal all your spoons?

Because each time I clean my dishes, or open my kitchen drawer, I find less and less of this very necessary utensil. Not only does this happen to me, but my boyfriend suffers as well. He quietly revealed to me last week that all his spoons have been disappearing, mysteriously.

I feel like whipping out my old, investigative reporter hat, and following the clues. Because this question is driving me berserk:

What happened to all the spoons?

After nights of lost sleep and cortisol-filled panic attacks, I’ve come to one, discernible answer.

It was the gnomes.

The evil spoon gnomes. And they all must DIE.

How dare they sneak into my house, without my permission, and take my hard-earned silverware while I’m asleep! They fool the cats, they trick the dog.

But worst of all, when the spoon gnomes strike, you can’t sip soup. Or eat cereal.

Or consume ice-cream.

NOOOOOOO!

So, my friends, I implore you. Spoon-lovers of the world unite! And death to the spoon gnomes!

Tags: blogging, humor, life, mystery, silverware, spoons, Writing

Comments 7 Comments
Categories Random Rants

Gallery

If you’re gonna hack a writer’s email, at least be grammatically correct

3 May

So, my email got hacked this week. Yes, my technology shenanigans continue.

But in a way, I must publicly thank the hackers, because they gave me some seriously positive publicity.

Like making everyone in my network aware of just how QUALITY my work is … which is good, because I recently launched my new business, “Shari’s Ink: Copywriting & Creative Services” (I’ll formally announce that soon enough).

You think I’m joking?

Then check this out (LinkedIn):

And this (Facebook)!

OK, and here’s one more. The actual MESSAGE from the hackers. Note to them: next time, do a little market research on your target audience, first:

Maybe the hackers could hire me for their next “email marketing campaign.” At least then, their messaging will be grammatically correct and on-target.

Tags: email, hackers, humor, marketing, technology, Writing, Yahoo! email

Comments 2 Comments
Categories Funny Life Stories, Random Rants

Gallery

When the technology gods all plot against you …

29 Apr

… it’s worse than the Zombie Apocalypse. Because with the zombies, at least you can run.

But the technology gods? They will rip every digital limb from your frail, vulnerable body. Like your computer, your phone, your email, your soul. Leaving you desolate and defenseless in the bitter cold.

That’s right. They are EVIL LORDS that deserve to BURN.

And just when your entire life hangs on a new business venture …

Your day ends up looking like this:

9:00 a.m: Get out of shower. Begin breakfast.

9:15 a.m: Drag laptop downstairs to work in kitchen.

9:30 a.m: Open Google Chrome. “Cannot access website” message appears. Check internet connection. Nothing. Moan and drag laptop upstairs to router and modem.

9:40 a.m: Troubleshoot router. No luck. Plug modem into computer. Still no luck. Curse Cox Communications.

10:00 a.m: Call Cox Communications.

11:00 a.m: Get off phone with Cox Communications. Internet working. Drag computer downstairs. Eat cold food. Scowl.

12:00 p.m: Make first sales call. Verizon phone stops working, says “out of minutes.” Wonder how that’s possible? Just switched to unlimited plan.

12:10 p.m: Can’t access new Verizon account because PIN number never sent. Call Verizon customer service.

12:30 p.m: Verizon customer service won’t help without PIN.

12:45 p.m: Scream at air. Phone rings randomly … working again? It’s Boyfriend, calling from work. Cry into phone.

1:30 p.m: Write first follow-up email. Press “send.” Doesn’t work. Try again. Doesn’t work.

2:00 p.m: Rip hair out of head and wonder how the hell I.T. people do it!!

By the way, THAT was my day, last Monday.

And it’s what will happen to you, should you ever piss off the technology gods and they all plot against you. So beware, my friends, beware …

Tags: business, computers, humor, owning a business, technology, technology woes, Writing

Comments 2 Comments
Categories Funny Life Stories, Random Rants

Gallery

If only life were this easy …

17 Apr

I know, right?

I guess this is what I get for spoiling my cats. By the way, meet my gray tabby, Chester.

Maybe I’m finally understanding what my parents felt like during the weekends, working their asses off while I laid in their bed, watching Dirty Dancing every freakin’ day.

But seriously, don’t you wish your life were THIS EASY?

Yea, I thought so.

Tags: animal lovers, animals, blogging, cats, humor, life, Writing

Comments 5 Comments
Categories Random Rants

Gallery

So Apparently, I’m a Hipster? (and so is every other 30-something)

11 Apr

I’m not quite sure when anything with the word “hip” became associated with ME. But apparently, I’ve been labeled a hipster.

Problem is, I’m not really too sure what exactly a “hipster” is.

Image borrowed from thepubscout.com (click the image to visit their website)

OK, to clarify here, no one sprung out from behind the bushes, pointed a slimy finger at my nose, and screamed, “HIPSTER!” As if I’d just robbed a bank.

So accusatory!

No, if that had actually happened, you’d have heard the frantic 9-1-1 call gone-viral by now. But according to everyone—apparently—if you’re a 30-something, you’re a hispter.

I kid you not, I’m hearing it everywhere. In articles. On T.V. Even a popular blogger said she’d trade in her Gen-X status to be a “30-year-old hispter.”

**WOW. Is my generation really that cool?**

Well, then again, we ARE the children of the Baby Boomers. Free love people; you can’t get any more “hip” than that! And these people actually raised us.

But back to trying to understand this whole “hipster” thing. I asked my Facebook community the other week, “How the heck do you know if you’re officially a hipster?”

And, well … here are some of their answers:

I’m thinking Oscar explained it the best.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? How the heck do you know if you’re a hipster?

Tags: hipsters, humor, pop culture, Writing

Comments 6 Comments
Categories Random Rants

Gallery

Why fruit hypnosis on Facebook might just save the world

20 Mar

If you want to try and understand how I come up with half the weird crap I post on this blog, here is a little peek into my daily world.

I might have actually discovered the cure to obesity in America. Seriously.

I rest my case.

—————————————————-

Like what you just read? Then don’t miss my next post! Type your email address into the field below, and get future blog posts sent to your inbox:

Tags: Facebook, food, fruit, healthy eating, healthy living, humor, Social media, Writing

Comments 6 Comments
Categories #WeirdTrending, Random Rants

Gallery

Yo, Writers! You Might Find this Workshop Useful

18 Mar

Ever been curious about writing a historical fiction novel? Or maybe, right now, you’re writing some secret book during your lunch breaks at work?

Then you might want to check out my friend, Jessica McCann’s Online Historical Fiction Workshop. In case you’re wondering about its legitimacy, the class is part of Arizona State University’s Piper Center for Creative Writing’s Spring 2013 line-up.

[Whew!]

Jessica is seriously cool, guys.

For one, she wrote this awesome, award-winning historical fiction novel called “All Different Kinds of Free,” about a free woman of color in 1837 who was abducted and sold into slavery. On top of that, we’ve both been published in PHOENIX Magazine.

I’m very familiar with ASU’s Piper Center for Creative Writing, so let me tell you: this workshop is no joke. Jessica needs some serious credentials to teach through them.

Here are the details:

Workshop name: Bringing the Past to Life: Writing Historical Fiction
When: April 2 – April 30, 2013 (four weeks)
Where: ANYWHERE! It’s online and available to all.
Venue: ASU Piper Writer’s Studio
Required skill level: Useful to writers of all skill levels
Registration: Click here now to register for the workshop (and get more info).

Go, do it! You won’t be sorry. And you’ll get to meet Jessica, too, which is even MORE awesome!

Tags: ASU Piper Center for Creative Writing, historical fiction, historical fiction writing, Jessica McCann, Writing, writing workshops

Comments Leave a Comment
Categories For the Writers

Gallery

The Secret to Getting Treated Like Royalty … FOR ONCE

13 Mar

If you’re freakin’ tired of being pushed around by your boss, or spouse, or just life in general, then you could use a little royal treatment. Right?!

So … if you wanna get treated like royalty for once, become a juror.

Oh, you think I’m kidding?

I just had my FIRST jury duty experience this week. Ever.

I was prepared to be spat upon, emotionally molested, and convicted of indecent exposure by nothing more than a raised eyebrow.

Then, of course, I reminded myself that I wasn’t on trial. This tends to happen with neurotic, overactive imaginations like mine. You get a tummy ache, and it’s automatically cancer, accompanied by imminent death.

But back to this whole jury thing …

I finally read the back of my summons the night before my scheduled doom. And, to my pleasant surprise, I learned that jurors are the judicial equivalent to the Queen of England.

Seriously. First off, the courts opened 15 minutes early, JUST for the jurors. The security guards literally unlocked the doors, scanned the numerous desperate faces begging for relief from the bitter cold, then announced a special entry for “Jurors Only!”

All other infidels would need to remain locked outside, on the unforgiving concrete, until 8:00 a.m.

Upon entry into the palace, I learned that jurors are allowed:

Validation for free parking
Complimentary coffee
A breakroom and fridge JUST FOR THEM
Breaks any time they want
To bring their own food

That last item, that’s the killer part. Because no one else is allowed to bring their own food. Not police, not witnesses, not even lawyers. Only the jurors.

Should you happen to enter with a lunch box in your hand, the security guards will part ways and announce,

“Here comes the juror! Let him pass!”

They even gave us a movie theatre.

And they didn’t play those crappy airplane movies, either. They showed Oscar-nominated films, people! From directors like Cameron Crowe and John Madden.

Oh yea, and did I mention how we got a personalized welcome from a JUDGE?

I think the next time I’m suffering from lack of self-esteem, I’m gonna show up at court and beg to be a juror. Because sometimes, we all just need a vacation.

Tags: blogging, humor, jury duty, life, the law, Writing

Comments 18 Comments
Categories Funny Life Stories, Random Rants

Gallery

Is Your Blog the Equivalent to Long Division?

11 Mar

OK, writers … this one’s for you. Sometimes, you just can’t write about “passive versus active voice” anymore.

And—let’s be real here—there are only so many ways to reveal “the secret to getting more comments on your blog.”

BORING!

My blog stats proved it. They were pathetic. They were navel lint. Which is why, one day, I finally broke:

“F- it!” I screamed. “I’m doing a blog makeover! And I’m scratching all that professional crap. I’m going rogue.”

Today, I’m over at Lynette Benton’s blog, Polish and Publish | Tools and Tactics for Creative Writers. And I’m writing about the transformation of MY blog: “Why a Blog Makeover Might be Just the Thing You Need.”

So if you are anything like me three months ago—ridiculous blog stats and an online platform equivalent to long division—you just might want to head on over and read this.

Tags: blogging, Lynette Benton, marketing, Tools and Tactics for Creative Writers, Writing

Comments 5 Comments
Categories For the Writers

← Older Entries

Search

Shari Lopatin